It’s Not About the Tree.

I have been so hesitant to take down our Christmas Tree this year.

Dreading it. 

Avoiding it. 

Trying to convince myself it is not a fire hazard, and it can stay up the whole year. 

Low and behold, what I realized as I sat with my coffee this morning looking at our tree, is that it’s not actually about the tree. 

What I realized is that it’s about what lead up to the tree, and what will happen long after the tree is taken down. 

You see, the thing is, this wasn’t even my favorite tree.

It actually took our family too damn long to pick our tree.

We walked for hours trying to find the “perfect tree.”

 But of course, towards the end of our family adventure, we had to get to our next set of plans, so I just let one of the girls pick it so we could move along with our day. 

I was tired of fighting and walking around the fields of “meh” trees. 

Who am I kidding? I was just tired.

You’re probably wondering why then am I so damn emotional about this tree?

I’ve come to realize it’s about what the tree represents. 

I have had many holiday breaks with the girls over the years. Some I’ve been off the entire time. Some I had to split working and with some time off. 

But all came with a sense of being torn, sitting in between two worlds of work responsibilities and family needs. 

Never really being able to get deep into what this time of year was supposed to be. 

A break. 

A moment to celebrate. 

A time of magic. 

A time of family and endless plans.

But this year, this one looked different. 

This year I was able to get deep. 

I was able to get still. 

I was able to find peace and calm in the midst of the chaos. 

I didn’t yell (as much). 

And the girls weren’t in front of screens (the whole time).

It was everything we as a whole family needed.   

As I sit here, with only two days left of winter break, I feel sad.

I feel sad that it is coming to a close. 

I have fear that jumping back into the hustle and bustle of life will make it all fall away.

But the thing is, it doesn’t have to. 

Not anymore. 

What I realized is that I cannot allow myself to look back and have regret or guilt for what was. 

I can only pause in this moment and be grateful for every individual moment that lead up to today. Each opportunity allowing us to experience THIS winter break. 

And acknowledging that together, as a family, we cultivated this.

The beginning of something new. 

That we can take what we have loved from this time, and thread it into our daily lives. 

No matter what, starting now, life will look different for us. 

What a gift. 

Maybe the best one this year, and we didn’t find it under our tree.   

And for our tree. 

Don’t get me wrong, she was great!

Maybe a little oddly shaped, and really didn’t start smelling until the end, but hey, she did her job!

She made our little and big hearts happy. 

She watched our family, and saw firsthand the love, the magic, the peace, and yes, the chaos all unfold. 

So no, it wasn’t actually ever about the tree. 

It was about the shift that took place in our home this holiday break.

A shift that will outlive this one holiday break, and this one particular tree that my family might forget about, but a tree I will always remember, because she played a very important role in a very important moment in our family’s life. 

To our dear tree Max (yes, we name them), thank you. We couldn’t have done it without you!

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must take this tree down because she is FOR SURE a fire hazard!